Girls of all ages can feel pressure in their external world of friendships and peers, interactions with siblings, school problems, or conflict with parents; as well as inter-parental concerns such as separation, divorce, and conflict between parents; and in their internal world with ideas of self such as fears, body image, personal expression and abilities.
GIRLS, AND TWEENS FROM 5 TO 11 YEARS
For girls and tweens – while the pressures are different due to their age and stage than for young adolescent women – there can still be issues present and worries for girls and their parents and carers.
WHAT DOES CHILD PSYCHOTHERAPY LOOK LIKE FOR DIFFERENT AGES?
Here at Empathic I see girls from 5 years and up. For those aged 5 to 11 we spend time and work through issues using undirected play with toys and art therapy. From 11 years and older, dependent on the individual child, we may do some art activities together while we talk, and for teens we mostly just talk, sometimes about things like music or movies or games or books as well as the specific topic on the teen’s mind such as long term concerns and worries and fears.
Just in the same way as when I work with adult clients, we go on a journey together to sort and sift through and to work through.
TEENS: I WORRY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER’S MENTAL HEALTH AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The teen mental health crisis: that suicide is the leading cause of death in teens, self-harm numbers are rising, poor access to psychology services in hospitals and psychologists’ long waiting lists, social media helping entrench cyberbullying and body shaming…it is not surprising that some parents of Canberra’s teen girls are feeling worried and helpless.
As mum to two young adults I know that adolescence can be tough on both kids and parents.
As a psychodynamic psychotherapist I also know that adolescence is an important period in young womens’ lives when struggles with identity, a need for independence, burgeoning political interests, sexual feelings, body image politics, and sometimes basic questioning of gender identity or sexual preference can take place. And that is a good thing: it is wonderful for your child to mature and explore, and a privilege as a parent to cheer them on from the sidelines as they transition from child to adult.
But the age appropriate increase in responsibility for teen girls along with possible additional factors such as academic pressures, new employment dynamics, neurodivergent brains, giftedness, and teen social expectations can together create a situation where anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders and other issues can arise in response or as a way of mediating overwhelming feelings.
Psychotherapy can help.
MY TEEN HAS OUTBURSTS AND WON’T TALK TO ME
As I say to my teen clients, adolescence has all the tumult of the toddler years, just with better communication skills! Similar to toddlerhood, being an adolescent can feel freeing and yet overwhelming with choices and options. Sometimes a tantrum or outburst is the only thing that works to free you from that overwhelm, and dispel some of the pent up emotions and energy.
Unfortunately tantrums and shouting or spending hours alone in your room can trigger self-doubt in parents who up until now felt competent and connected to their kids.
Communication breaks down, fueled by stubborness, clinging to the past, misunderstanding, and fear of crisis (yes, in both parties).
Adolescence is actually a time to come together as family, not a time for parents to step away. There is an important psychological need for adolescents to be able to explore out in the world, knowing there is always a safe home to return to.
Therapy can help smooth the bumps. Here in Watson, Canberra at Empathic I offer initial Parent Work sessions (for parents of all genders) as well as ongoing psychotherapy for girls and young women aged 5 years and older.
DO I HAVE TO BOOK A PARENT SESSION BEFORE MY DAUGHTER CAN ATTEND THERAPY AT EMPATHIC?
The majority of psychologists and counsellors in Canberra only see girls and teens alone, apart from an intial appointment that parents and daughter attend together. Parents are then excluded from the therapy process while their daughter has an opportunity to work through their concerns and issues separate to their home life and their family life context.
At Empathic I do not generally work this way with girls and teens under 16.
I think seeing girls, tweens and teens without any parent involvement is an outdated model, initially designed to protect kids who are in potentially abusive families, by giving them their own space apart from family to disclose issues safely. In this specific abuse/crisis situation it can be crucial to have this separation.
But for families who have been close or functioning adequately up until the teen years or an outside crisis or event, this model of child-only therapy doesn’t help bring parents along on the child;s developmental journey, and doesn’t bring the child along on the parents’ developmental journey (yes, we all keep developing thankfully – we don’t suddenly stop at 18!).
It risks stagnating the kid’s therapy too, as kids generally aren’t empowered to make the changes alone that they really need when their parents haven’t been involved from the start. And child-only therapy also increases the likelihood that therapy will fail because parents tend to disengage and withdraw support when not involved in the therapy – apart from paying for the sessions, that is.
BUT MY CHILD REALLY NEEDS THE APPOINTMENT NOW
Yes, it can feel uncomfortably urgent, a crisis. We also know – due to decades of work and research at institutions like the Tavistock Institute and hospitals such as the Great Ormond Street Hospital child and adolescent therapy programs in the UK – that the most positive child and adolescent psychotherapy outcomes result from when Parent Work occurs alongside their child’s therapy, generally one session every three months of the child’s weekly sessions.
Indeed, in some instances, where kids have been reticent to even attend therapy, Parent Work therapy alone can initiate positive change in the family as a whole – right from the first session.
This is why I ask that parents of all under 16s book the first session as a Parent Work appointment (see Bookings) and attend this first session without their daughter, and from that point on an initial child session can be made, even in the same week.
For teens over 16 seeking therapy, I believe it is up to the teen to decide if they want to start therapy with or without the initial Parent Work session.
WHY WOULD MY CHILD LIKE US PARENTS TO ATTEND A PARENT WORK SESSION?
In my experience, when kids are unhappy and seek therapy, they know their mood is greatly affecting their family. They know that their unhappiness (or in teens, perhaps their self-harm, anxiety, school refusal, acting-out behaviours such as drug experimentation, promiscuity, disordered eating etc) is not only harmful for them but also potentially destabilising the bond between child and parent. These kids know their parents are deeply worried and scared about the future.
Kids know that their parents could also do with a safe discrete place to talk things through. This is why I offer Parent Work sessions – because I know it improves the outcomes for my girl through to teen clients.
WHAT IS “PARENT WORK”? IS IT THE SAME AS INDIVIDUAL THERAPY?
When a single parent or both parents come for a Parent Work psychotherapy session, it is not for their own individual therapy as such. We are there to talk and make a team together supporting the young adolescent woman in therapy: to do Parent Work.
As with my individual psychotherapy clients, I aim to support and contain: I don’t judge or blame or point fingers at parents. As an experienced therapist and an experienced parent I am here to work empathically with you, and your daughter.
I respect all privacy boundaries as requested – especially in subsequent ongoing Parent Work sessions where for example, teens often give me a list of things to discuss with their parents, and the things they do not want discussed. The teen in this case is always the primary client and therefore is the one who decides what details they want shared on their behalf.
Parents are invited to talk openly, to take a problem-solving approach, to think and feel creatively and with empathy about what their daughter is going through.
APPOINTMENTS AVAILABLE NOW FOR GIRL TWEEN & TEEN PSYCHOTHERAPY
I have found this to be a wonderful heartfelt way of working, and clients report real changes going forward after Parent Work sessions. I have limited availability right now for both Parent Work and girl, tween and adolescent individual therapy sessions. More information is on the Bookings page, or click the link below to go directly to our secure Halaxy booking portal.
Parent Work sessions run for 75 minutes and are $275. They are generally held from 5–6:15pm on Tuesday evenings. For another time, please email your request.
PLEASE NOTE: if you cannot find an available date on Tuesdays 5–6:15pm that suits you for Parent Work when you click the BOOK NOW Halaxy link, please email with your day and time request – and my practice manager will contact you with available times.
